So, Valentine’s Day approaches once again. Can’t say I care much.
Now you’re thinking I’m single and bitter about it. “Valentine’s Day? Bah! Humbug.” No Valentine; no partner; all alone in a hostile universe. Yes, I am single. But I am certainly not bitter.
I love being single. I’ve had romantic attachments. I was even married once. But right now I just don’t happen to like having someone else in my life. That’s just me. If you love someone, go for it. I don’t.
But having a partner isn’t everything. What I object to is the ideal that a large section of our society seems to uphold, that you need someone in your life – indeed, in the words of that abysmal actor Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire: “You complete me”. What a crock. We see this kind of pressure in movies, we hear it from our families and friends: you aren’t complete without someone else in your life.
Yes, you are.
Not everyone likes bananas. I hate bananas. I live in Queensland, Australia, where they grow a lot of bananas. And I hate them. I don’t have anything against them and or try to stop anyone else eating them. It’s the same with a relationship. I just don’t want one.
But why do so many people try to force others into a relationship? I’ve had friends with children who declare, “You must have a baby! It will change your life! You don’t know what you’re missing!” But I’m not going to bring a child into the world on the off chance I might like it. Making me happy is not a reason to create someone. That’s just selfish.
I am single but by no means desperate. Relationships and I just don’t work. And arguably they don’t work for a lot of other people too. That they do work for some is great. But it is merely generalisation to assume that what makes one person happy will do the same for another.
I used to be lonely, way back in my teens and twenties, very lonely indeed. But then I decided to ignore the loneliness and in doing so, I killed it. I don’t get lonely anymore. Solitude is very important to me.
So if you find yourself alone this Valentine’s Day, feel good about it. Rejoice in the fact that you are independent and empowered. Date yourself: take yourself to the movies, buy a box of chocolates (and eat all of them!), get a good bottle of wine for dinner, or have a romantic night in with yourself. There will be no one to ask what they want to do, no one to please but you, no guilt trip. You are your perfect date.
You deserve it.